for what?

4 years ago, i wanted to think my friend was just hurting. he was weeks away from getting divorced, and he really wanted to work things out. i suppose him and i are the same in that regards....vows are vows. they are not just words. in his pain he confessed something that i'd hoped was only out of the crazy mix of anger and sorrow he was going through. but no...it seems to have been one of those rare moments of pure truth.

what was said i will not repeat. i suppose even though i know it to be true, deep down i don't want it to be. some part of me wants to believe that fairy tale. some part of me wants to believe.

this past sunday was pretty hard for me. let's just say it was one step closer to accepting that which i don't want to believe.

writer's block

sometimes i will look at a previous post and think...wow, have i really written nothing since then? if i don't hit publish or delete the draft it doesn't count, right? i don't think it is that i don't have time. it just feels like i come and try to start off typing like i used to...then i inevitably fall asleep and wake up with a gazillion k's or z's and nothing worthy before it. it's strange how it can come so easy if you're in the right mood, if you've got the right inspiration. i guess i have lost that...replaced instead with the idea that nothing good sticks around...so why bother? i dunno. i guess i need to pick another time to try and type besides 2:30 in the morning. i suppose it was a little progress to try without any beer or wine in the belly. in vino veritas...sure...but other side effects include:...right. g'nite.

in 160 characters or less please

1:lack of interest in life or activities that would normaly interest you
2:usually accompanied by feelings of worthless ness or inadequacy
3:and interfering with a person daily routine