remembering...

i remember that night. Michael Jackson. she said...imagine dying and not knowing! i did not have to imagine. i do not have to imagine. i wanted to run out of there that night. i walked out calmly instead. i knew then what i feel now. crazy how attractive people can be so unattractive. is it just me? is it...oh.

most days i am a forgetful person. today i want to forget...

*my amazement the night we met. nobody else has ever gotten that right...
*all the warm & fuzzies when you've said my name...
*lost messages on a lost phone...

i wish i could forget these things and more. my heart would feel better now.

Próxima Estación: Esperanza

i am not sure what's going on with my heart. i've kept track of it for a while now. surely it is not supposed to feel like this for over 420 days?! well, it has. i didn't think so myself, but that's why i've been keeping track.

there's a certain feeling i can't get rid of. every day i wake up thinking...maybe...maybe today it'll be gone. sometimes it is intense...sometimes i feel almost normal. i don't know what it is. maybe it's that broken heart syndrome that is going on around here? my heart does feel broken. my soul has felt broken since...since longer than this blog has existed. so here i am...broken.
so many things wrong. y'know...i think i'll just "save all my words for someone who speaks my language so clear"...



which if history has taught me anything, that is nobody. how great if it were somebody! it has always been nobody...

lately it's been tough to type anything out. i'm barely starting to write things out again. lately i find the best is to write it out, then burn it. maybe i'm just a pyro, but that is one way...guey. maybe it's the only way? meh.

let's try this again.