The moon and Jupiter

The moon and Jupiter

Jan 21, 2013

mexican gumby legs

pedal pedal pedal see this here see that there share share share para que? no se.

Roll with it.

Remember to treat yourself well if no one else will.

It wasn't advice directed to me; I doubt they thought I'd ever see it. I think it's great advice though...and i'll try to remember it.
Roll with it. Right on! Ride on...

tour du jour

the other day i rode into downtown san antonio from my house. a lot of people are really surprised when i tell them that. i guess it seems really far. i just did the mileage check on the route i took and it came up as 15.8 miles. thats not too bad. anywho, this is a picture of san antonio as i pedaled over the guadalupe street bridge that separates the west side from downtown.

feelin' better

 I reckon i do a lot more riding than writing these days. I thought i'd share these views from my Palm..

san antonio as seen from the hays street historical bridge.

Friendly trees at the Friendly Spot Ice House

acknowledged and reciprocated

i met up with some good friends for a brew or two.

i have no idea how we ended up talking about relationships, but those title words struck a chord and ring on in my head. i often feel i'm alone in my way of thinking, and that night i felt some comfort (and some sadness) in that they were not coming out of my mouth.

as for me, i don't get it. it's never acknowledged or reciprocated. but it's all good. i'd like to think if it ever did come about, it'd be the bomb...and to steal a line from wu-tang: A bomb only has one time to explode.

i just hope i'm not a dud.

she says

thanks for being awesome, she says...
i'm not sure how to respond.
i've been so...
rejected
denied
ignored
down
uninspired
________
for so long.
years.
how could i be awesome?

she is too kind.
for no real reason.

strongheart

i wonder how things would be
if i rode wholeheartedly
people are amazed
yet i am barely phased

how would things be
if she rode beside me
if i rode beside her
and the rest was a blur

---


i have the same broken heart disease as her
but i am younger and stronger
still
it struck at the same time for the same reasons
but i am younger and stronger
i can keep pedaling and imagine it helps
it doesn't mean it's not broken
i wonder how things would be
if i rode wholeheartedly

what's the use?

...of this heart
...these legs
...this brain?

seems pointless, but i push on.

dream 69

i knew it was odd to receive some words after several months. a smile ran across as i read the meaning words, a smile until i realize it was a dream.

i awaken to a pounding heart. i wonder if this is why my timing has been off these days. i'm waking up 2 hours early or 10 minutes late. my clock hasn't quite figured it out yet and it's not much of an excuse no matter how true it be. maybe it's all connected? pumpbumppumpbump...heart, why can't you be normal? pumpbumppumpbump.

i wish i could tell my heart to just chill.
there's no point in getting worked up over nothing.

42

arreglarlo es de lo mas simple.
pero nadie lo quiere hacer.
nadie se preocupa en arreglar las cosas.
todo es desechable, eh? compremos uno nuevo!
solo yo grito "no!"
pero me siento igual al arbol en el bosque que nadie oye caer.

it stinks.

my eyes open and i check the clock. it's early for a sunday, and late for already having slept my entire saturday. i think of her. in her world, she's asleep. she'll be up in a few minutes.
damnit. why does she have to be the first thing i'm thinking about? stop already.

the tension this day is unbearable.
i load a bowl and step outside.

every day i'm waking up to this intense feeling near my heart. some days less, some days more. some days i try to figure out what it wants to tell me. sometimes i want to go have it checked out, but what does it matter, really?

it's never mattered to be better, faster, or smarter. i am never enough.

i am friendless.
i am hopeless.

i am struggling for no reason.

not better plans

i feel like i've much to say. can't seem to get it out though.
started thinking about this past week.
i've been riding my bicycle around.

wed - 0 miles. called into work sick, slept the whole day.
thu - 30 miles, test ride for tour de toob
fri - 3 miles...happy first friday!
sat - 0 miles, had le vitus with me...just no time.
sun - 38 miles...tour de toob! from blue star to the comal river
mon - 20 miles...missions monday + boneshakers to the alamo to parking
tues - 0 miles...crashed out after work. woke up at 130am on wednesday


there's not much for me but to keep riding.

the strangest thing

"i'm familiar with that street", i told him.
i couldn't believe it. i punched in the address on my phone and cruised on auto-pilot.
i never expected to be cruising these streets again. i no longer had a reason to, after all.
when the phone told me to turn left, then a right...i remembered that day i heard her give me those same instructions. we chatted the last time i was on this straightaway.

i tried not to think of it.
i pushed it to the back of my mind until i got to my friend's house.
i simply HAD to look it up.
i hit the "view older messages" link and started to fast forward.
it WAS that street. a block and a half...a block and a f*(&@n half.

i tried my best to push it to the back of my mind. i enjoyed the company of my friend.
when it came time to leave, i made sure to head in the opposite direction of that place.

as fate would have it, i saw her parents. i waved...only to be unseen or ignored.
i suspect that would've been her reaction too.

i wanted to tell her. i wanted to call. i wanted to text. i even considered thinking about it until she responded. i didn't bother though. i can't be daydreaming that i mean anything to her. i don't.

i should have gone to sleep.

i should have taken that advice tonight. it's a joke, kinda. it's a quote. go to sleep.

i pedaled from la tuna to 1604 and nacogdoches tonight with 6 other people... a girl ride, actually...where the girls outnumbered the guys. no, this was not the start of some magical turnaround in my life. all of them taken...BUT i must say i'm glad to know they exist.

30 miles. it's nothing, really.

anyway, it was fun tonight...even if life is pretty shitty right now.

take the which pill?

i woke up with the strangest feeling today. it was as though i'd had 2 16oz. coffees...the really crappy kind that gets you jittery. it was 2 minutes before my usual time to wake up. Being a holiday, i went ahead and called a 10 minute snooze before heading to work. i needed sleep.

i need sleep.

i think my heart needs sleep. my heart is strong, but i suppose even the strongest of hearts gets tired? i skipped my usual missions monday ride. i skipped out on a new ride on a new route too.

i need sleep.

i took some blue pills; not quite sure it'll help. it'd been a while since i'd taken any sort of pill. it made me want to watch the matrix. which was i supposed to take: blue or red?

tonight is a blue night.

repeat offender

i don't know why i come here
to watch the cursor blink, maybe...
i come expecting to type
expecting the words to flow, y'know

tonight i must say goodbye somehow
your phone would tell me to check the number that's always yours

meh. i should sleep.

for a moment

...i could see the smile through the keyboard.
for a moment i forgot that i am nothing
i did not hold back
and just let them spill out like before

i don't understand it, y'know
why you bother to say hello
why you bother to remind me that we both like this and this and this
and we both think that and that and that

bleh.

intentos

a skinny woman asked me if she looked fat.
it was the silliest question, though i know why she asked it.
i answered the obvious answer: what?! NO



i don't know why they treat us this way.
they are wrong for that...it sucks...but that's how people are.
don't worry. you're cool and hopefully someday things will once again be cool.

you don't get it

all ride long it was something.
there's that one woman with her boobs hanging out that kept leaning forward.
yes, your boobs are nice. your smile is nicer.
but...you have no ears.

i don't feel like stomping down on what's left of my heart.
i want to just come to terms that i'm never right for anyone.
please leave me alone.

i pedal away from the crowd on my heavy ass bike.
my bike is not light, it just looks that way.

i plug in my tunes. the crowd starts to boogie.
everyone thinks i'm playing with my phone.
yeah...the tunes are coming from nowhere!

this woman with an ugly face starts rubbing up against me asking me to turn it up.
she explains about power plays and how she got me to do what she wanted...
actually, i just turned it up because it was too low.
leave me alone, please.