it stinks.

my eyes open and i check the clock. it's early for a sunday, and late for already having slept my entire saturday. i think of her. in her world, she's asleep. she'll be up in a few minutes.
damnit. why does she have to be the first thing i'm thinking about? stop already.

the tension this day is unbearable.
i load a bowl and step outside.

every day i'm waking up to this intense feeling near my heart. some days less, some days more. some days i try to figure out what it wants to tell me. sometimes i want to go have it checked out, but what does it matter, really?

it's never mattered to be better, faster, or smarter. i am never enough.

i am friendless.
i am hopeless.

i am struggling for no reason.