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i don't know what to tell you. i'm not sure what to do.
you really do confuse me. your actions tell me you don't care. they've been telling me you don't care. why do you pretend to care now? why don't you just seize the day...seize the moment...i've gone and given you the perfect chance to quit without the messes (at least for you). why don't you just let me go? what's the point in delaying it?

there is still that small part of me that dreams. i am, however, beat.

i sit in bed with a hand on my heart. it is not beating right, yet i like to pretend that somehow if i just focus right i can get it back to normal. after these months of it hurting and years of it not beating right...well, i know it is just a stupid thing to do. i'd love to believe it is all in the mind, but maybe with the heart there is no such power. ugh. this isn't helping.

please help me go.