scratched record

i need to know how to make it stop.
it's quite difficult, but there's got to be a way.
part of me says...just....go your own way. cold blooded. cold turkey.
most of me does not want to listen to that part of me.
most of me wants to dream on.
most of me wants to think that someday...someday it will pop out and call at ME.
yeah, yeah...
i have tracked it for years now and not so much as a hint of that wish.
what's the point?

i've got to make it stop.
it hasn't stopped since 3rd grade.
please...
stop.