it can't snow if its 80 degrees out

there's a very tiny light at the end of this tunnel i'm in. i should keep plowing ahead until it becomes more obvious, or am i supposed to move away from the light? hmm.

this past sunday i finished paying off one of my credit cards. its a great feeling, but only a small victory when it comes to my debt. my raise kicked in on december 31st (it was supposed to be jan 1 but in order to avoid headaches they started it that monday) and i decided to apply almost all of it towards my debts. my old pay was already a raise from my old job, so i figure its the best approach since i'm not used to making more money yet. so far i'm on track, although i should probably do my taxes this weekend to see if i need to save a little for uncle sam. almost every year i end up owing the government more taxes than what is taken out of my checks. i think my best refund to date has been about 80 bucks, and that year i used a tax service so i ended up with about 20 bucks.

i feel a little bit stuck. my job is making me a little blah, mainly because i'm sitting in a cubicle by the restroom most of the day. my thoughts are fairly meaningless. they prefer to listen to people who know less but talk better. for the moment it makes most sense to stay put. its close to home, so my gas bill is down. its a nice paycheck, and so i can pay down some debts sooner than later. i need to figure out some way to make myself shine again...to make it obvious that i'm not cubicle material.

i guess i'm still not entirely over the whole getting fired thing. doing just enough not to get fired is not a motivation i'm used to. corporate america is not something i'm used to. its where i'm at though.

i'm a slave, and all i can do for the moment is try putting a little sand in the gears. it won't always be like this.