gone

i tried to figure it out. it just doesn't make sense to me. i put it off and put it off, until finally the answer came in the form of shuffle. nirvana's unplugged version of all apologies came on, and for the first time i can recall, i could hear it in his voice. it was all there...amplified and recorded...being listened to by thousands and millions.

what else could i be? all apologies.

i have to wonder: what else could i be, besides me? it's a question that has long lingered in my head. i apologize this is all i know how to be... i apologize i am neither mr. right nor mr. right now, nor have i ever been. i apologize i don't have the talent to sing it on my own or the friends to play along. i apologize i don't have a mic so you could hear...hear it loud and clear.

i suspect you would do nothing anyway.

***
i found out she was gone today. part of me wanted to be silly and say she was always a little gone...but a certain seriousness prevails in this situation. it's not funny, really.

i start to think about all that's changed in the past 6 months. i hope to prevent that from happening with anyone else. shit happens though.

***
i found out...
it's been staring at me in the face for some months now.
there is no denying it, for sure...what am i on? 5 strikes? 7?
i must convince myself i don't care. fuck, maybe i do. there's nothing i can do to change it though. it would be best if i didn't.